october 3
i don't know if its karma torturing me for the second time around or perhaps just the way things are going to be from now on. i still haven't healed from the pain a few months ago, and here comes another one again. i am so battered already with losing people i love. especially now when he simply tells me that he wants space and that i shouldn't expect him to come back... he also added that he isn't sure if he loves me anymore. just.. like.. that. he couldn't slap me harder than that, even if he used an iron palm.
he's leaving me now??? you mean after more than 6 years and with no sign of losing affection, he simply drops me like that??? every single day, my cheeks are wet because of constant tears. i try to forget it, i try to move on, but when you've really loved someone for that long, it's friggin' hard to even try. i sleep earlier than usual and get up at about 2pm every afternoon because i know the lesser time i'm awake, the lesser time i have to deal with what's happening.
a part of me is saying that i really should get over him and move on because i've reached my limit in the hurt category. but another part is saying that why don't you hold on for a bit longer...he might just realize that he made a mistake... but until when? i am grasping at straws at what would be the right thing to do. lately, it's like i'm living in this surreal world and all i do is blankly float...bothered, disoriented, helpless...
a close friend of mine told me last night that no relationship is worth losing yourself to. i guess he's kinda right...and believe me, i'm trying to see the lighter side of things, but it's just plain hard. i don't think i lost myself in this relationship. i'm still justine. it's just that it wasn't just any relationship...apart from being a partner, he was also my bestfriend. we have shared so much with each other. try losing your bestfriend...maybe you'd understand. this just hurts more.
i need something to get my mind of this...and FAST.
i wz closed 2 tears wyl reading this blog.didn't know uv been going a lot lately, bec all i could remember wz d smrt n smiling girl i've met a few months ago.
ReplyDeletehope ul be okay, and i know u will.but somehow that pain still remain. it's really is very painful losing someone you love-the lover n the bestfriend you had.
yes, life goes on but forgetting sum1 u loved deeply takes time.it would even take years.and nobody has the right to blame you nor criticize you for still holding on even if getting him back would be an impossibility..however, never lose hope and do take chances.. everything happens for a purpose.that's what i believed in and that' s what i have learned!
i dont have to say anything nor give advices. coz i know and i believe that you're mature and smart enough to know what it is that you have to do..if you need anything,im just here.new friend i may be, but i am willing to be your friend with no pretense!
be strong and be real..do what you think is right even if everybody else says is wrong!
just, ok rna oi...rmbr wat u told me last time nga dli pka sure kamo jd n da future..i myb not dat close 2u bt i knw wat u fil gurl(been there,done dat)..ases!kani jd c rebecca mary justine oist..everything happens 4 a rison..(hehehe..champa lng kow kalit,idelete rni just..hehe)
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