I AM: justinia
I WANT: to be happy
I WISH: i knew what destiny holds for me
I HATE: it when my plans are messed up
I MISS: college
I FEAR: losing the people i love
I HEAR: FRIENDS on the telly
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: traveling
I AM NOT: tall
I DANCE: when no one's looking!!!
I SING: to express my emotions
I CRY: whenever i watch THE NOTEBOOK
I WIN: when i get my way (???)
I LOSE: my patience on pathetic people
I CONFUSE: my life when it gets too boring
I NEED: another vacation
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[YES OR NO]
You keep a diary: yes
You have a secret journal: yes
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no
You bite your fingernails: no
You believe in love: yes
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[DO YOU]
Take a shower everyday: of course
Have a(any) crush(es): a lot
Have any tattoos/where?: none ever since
Piercings/where?: ears
Think you're a health freak: hmm..i watch my health but im not a freak about it
Get along with your parents: yes
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[WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF?]
Ryan: Langga ko
Rob: ka-office nina rech
Heather: a blond girl
Will: and grace???
John: Kneave...handyman namin sa australia
Alex: ung nanligaw kay KC???
Ricky: reyes
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[FAVORITE]
NUMBER: 7
COLOR: lavender
DAY: friday
MONTH: december
SONG(s): people are people
FOOD: veggie salad
SEASON: autumn
SPORT: badminton
DRINK: kahlua
VEGGIE: lettuce
FRUIT: apricot
ICE CREAM: coffee crumble
-----what is this??? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??? i thought i'm done with this already. i thought this chapter of my life is through? why can't he just leave me in peace... this guy doesn't know the concept of moderation. i'm always willing to help, you know...but helping him usually has severe consequences...
-----its not the helping part that's bothering me though. its what comes WITH the help that has me in a fix.
-----all those emotions have been locked up and almost forgotten. i promised myself it was only going to be just plain friendship, and nothing more. the line should not be crossed...again. but i never realized just how thin the line is...and how tempting the other side can be.
-----but this time, my conscience is working overtime. people could forgive me after my first offense. but to succumb to it AGAIN? i don't think i'll win anybody's sympathy anymore. i would even be angry at me if i did it. its just that there's something between us that still hasn't extinguished. something so strong that even we ourselves can't fight it. that, or i'm easily played.
-----that afternoon is as far as i will go. i have been given a second chance already, and i'm pretty sure there isn't a third. i could feel the Lord saying, "Haven't you learned anything yet? I answered your prayers last time, don't expect me to pity you again"... well, maybe the Lord isn't that brutal...but you get the picture.
-----at least now, i can control what i'm feeling by going through facts. the pain and deception from the past and the bothering details of the present. details like his suspiciously timed seduction, his sudden passionate interest, his preference for a different mobile network (a private understanding)...and the fact that even though i may be the only woman in the world to give up anything for him, he will always be hers, and she, his.
-----i'm very happy with my own beau now. i can not risk another tumultuous phase which might destroy our relationship altogether. maybe its just because i haven't really healed from the rejection yet. i don't know.
---one thing i do know though, is that he will never love anyone else but her. and i will always be a friend with benefits... i will never be respected in his company, although he has tried so hard to make it SEEM that i am someone special. this will be the last time i give in to pity... and the last time i give in to my weakness of being attracted to him. no more.
.....
no more.
ONE
If you're ugly,
stop acting like you don't know it
& stop using cute nicknames.
The captions under your picture that says
"top model pose"
"sexy"
"arnt i hot"
doesn't convince anyone.
TWO
To the people who have like
over 25,000 friends, are you serious?
Nobody in this universe can keep up with
that many friends.
You're just stupid. Go play in traffic.
THREE
If you're real pretty, dont approve all
friends request
and bitching later on how u hate getting
stupid comments & messages.
You're the one who approved them in the
1st place!!
Be realistic on what u're getting into!!
FOUR
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG,I'm so fat"
because if you were, you wouldn't post
them.
FIVE
Stop posing like a japanese girl if you
don't hav da cute look!
It makes ppl think, "She doesn't
have a mirror or what??"
For guys, Don't make those bubble cheek
and poke it with a finger!
COME ON DUDE! YOU ARE A
GUY DAMN IT!!!
SIX
Making 20 bulletins a day
about how you have new pictures
and begging people to comment on
them is pathetic.
Make the bulletin once if you have to,
and those who actually care about you
will comment on your pics.
SEVEN
If all your pictures look the same,
don't post them all.
Please put some variety in your pics.
Nobody wants to see your face
10 different ways.
EIGHT
Who really cares if
I don't accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don't send me another request or
message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"
I don't want you as a friend;
that's what's up!
NINE
Little 6th graders who have Friendster
and look like sluts,
go somewhere else
because nobody wants you here.
TEN
If you want to SignOut.
Dont post it in the bulletin and try to tell
everyone.
You're not taking the world with you.
Just go close the damn browser.
ELEVEN
If you have decided to read this,
you are a true Friendster that reads
bulletins.
TWELVE
I say you go and pass this on
and maybe it will finally get through
people's brains
(if they have them).
THIRTEEN
And if you open a bulletin and it says
something like
"repost this within 100 seconds or you'll
die tonite!!,"
IT'S NOT REAL!!
QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!
it really didn't take me much time to decide that i've had enough. yes it was only a week but who cares? enough is enough. i couldn't take the constant late afternoon headaches and nausea, and the dread that swallowed me every single waking day.
the general assembly of the college of law was a great opportunity for me to personally say goodbye to the college. it seemed like i was simply a spectator, listening to the speeches, witnessing the oath-taking of the officers from different year levels, hearing the plans the student council had for the current school year...it was kinda surreal just being there. i wasn't sad at all. i'll still get to see xu. there's the annual manresa days, xu days, etc... plenty of opportunities for me not to miss my college days. i think partly why i enrolled in law is because i wasn't ready to let go of college yet. i wasn't ready to give up my everyday rountine of home - school. but now, i guess i'm finally ready to take the plunge into the corporate world...earning may be tough too...but it sure beats law.
i learned a lot of things in the very short span of time i spent with the college. i learned that determination + love of job = success. i learned how to control my temper (thank goodness i won't be seeing that girl again). i learned how to discard my onion skin. and i learned that no matter how capable i am, if its really not for me, then i will never make it. i have to stop thinking of myself as a robot who can do practically everything. i'm still human...born to make mistakes, born to be imperfect.
pop ray said he noticed a glow in me since friday. well..i guess its back to the old justine again ei?... there is something out there for me. and law is definitely not one of them.
*****ever disappointed your parents?...friends?... sucks right. but have you ever experienced disappointing yourself? big time?... nothing tops that.
*****my entrance to college was something short of a duel between me and my family. "psychology or devcom", i asked. "commerce or nursing", they replied. after being drilled everyday, i almost conceded. almost.
*****four years being a devcom student earned me continuous comments at home. i didn't mind them. i loved devcom. and my talents coincided with what devcom had to offer. no one made any comments anymore during my graduation. they were busy clapping when i stepped onstage to receive my medal.
*****relatives had gone home, adrenaline rush over...now what? i hated being idle. and that's when the idea of my childhood dream came back to me. law school.
*****up until my fourth year in highschool, i always filled up autograph books with "AMBITION: i want to be a successful lawyer someday." i really didn't know what being a lawyer meant...or what it took. i just knew it would earn me big bucks like what my brother was earning. he's a great lawyer i tell you. an inspiration.
*****it felt so priviledged to be part of this group of professional students, to be "power dressing", to be pursuing higher education... it was exciting...at first.
*****the teachers weren't my problem. most were sadists and wanted at least half of the students to be in tears after the class. i get scared easily, but i don't back down from a fight. so during class, i silently say, "bring it on".
*****no, they weren't my problem. the fear wasn't as well. it was the whole law thing. i didn't want to become a lawyer anymore. it wasn't really getting to me. i found the books very informational and interesting. i could simply read them without pressure. i don't need to be in class to learn law. the professors won't answer my questions anyway. i'm not enjoying a single minute of class. i enjoy reading the books, but class... well... i guess this really isn't for me.
*****quitting would be a snap. or so i thought. there were so many people to consider. and that was what was wrong with me. i rely too much on what others say or might say. its destroying my power to choose. a certain exasperated person told me one night, "for once in your life justine, decide for yourself, not for others. this is you, this is your happiness..." i of all people should know that. there were many instances, countless instances in fact when i went my own way. but it seemed that to things which mattered most, i look to other people for help. i allow myself to be subjected to other people's scrutiny and follow what they think is "best" for me. they say i'm weak, i say, really?...and allow myself to believe that i might be weak, although deep inside, i know i'm a figther.
*****so what do i want?... i don't know. i really want to give this up, but i'm not that type of person. i guess what he told me was true after all. i can't accept defeat, even though i suffer because of pride. i'm not good at this...and its killing me.
*****friggin hell, you know what i want??? i want to learn the law, at my own pace, sitting on my bed, eating frosted flakes, and actually digesting both the cereal and civil law. i want to teach video and evaluation of educom media at xu devcom. i want to edit videos. if i am to study again, i want to learn more about the field of communication. i want to earn money. and i want time for myself.
*****i don't want to pressure myself into something i'm simply not cut out for. and i don't want people to say that it was a waste to give up law, because its more of a waste if i continue. a waste of brain cells, eye strain, and time. i don't want people to see me as a quitter...because its a feat to turn your back on a certain priviledge and accept that no matter how capable you are in all aspects, its not for you.
*****i disappointed myself because i realized its not my line. but really...is it my fault? everything in the world is fair. i can't be good at everything. let other people fulfill their dreams with law. because probably, i just haven't realized that i've already fulfilled mine.
I AM: justinia
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