i was once asked about my thoughts on infidelity. i pretended not to hear the question. dead air. my mind was busy drifting off to that flat-colored 1957 film with Deborah Kerr in the arms of the charming Cary Grant while on that romantic yacht...both of them forcing their own fiancees out of their minds to enjoy this very limited time with one another. An Affair To Remember. it seemed like a very romantic idea back then...but it packs one hell of a reality punch these days.
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how does one define an "affair" anyway? does it have to last a long time to be called as such? is it based on the long-term effect it has on both parties? is it really synonymous to cheating? and why do i always get this queasy feeling in my gut whenever i think about it?
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try watching those cheesy Cinema One or Pinoy Box Office romance flicks where you can practically predict the dialogue of each scene. my cousin loves to watch them because it gives her a good laughing session. "this beats comedy flicks!", she always says. corny. but really...everything on the telly, from the cursing-each-other-under-the-rain part, to the crying-embracing-kissing-i'm sorry part...is weirdly familiar...don't you think? oh yeah...deny it all you want pinocchio. you've been there too. only, when you were in that exact same situation, it didn't seem corny at all. that's what you call real life. reality influences the screen or screen influences reality, doesn't matter. stuff you see on tv, really happens.
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point ma'am?
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ok, let's say you're in a very committed relationship. then watch movies like the one with Cary Grant, or Bridges of Madison County... romantic. but you couldn't picture yourself doing that because you love your beau so much...right?...right??? well let me tell you honey, its a whole different thing when you come face to face with it. all the "right-thing-to-do"'s fly out the window. everything comes to a complete standstill...and you're in big trouble.
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there is someone out there who can attract the pecans out of you, testing your willpower to the fullest. someday, you'll meet him or her. unfortunately, i met him earlier than expected. the whole thing clouded my judgement and almost ruined everything and everyone i held dear. good thing the sun came in the nick of time. the monks weren't very keen on me hybernating in their turf anyway.
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seriously, when you are faced with that dilemma, it eats you up. whatever decision you make will always affect you in practically every aspect of your life. sure, you can sneak around and not get caught. (if you get caught, you're stupid. even sneaking around needs a brilliant mind). its easy not to get caught these days with all the new hotels at cheap rates and motels at god-forsaken places. it could last for a month or a year. then both of you can just forget about it and move on with your rightful partners who, by the way, you have just turned into suckers. easy.
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damn wrong. with everything said and done and finished...there is one thing you will always forget when you get caught in the fun and heat of the moment. the emotional tie-down. like it or not, you will like this person. after being with your lover for a considerable amount of time, you will start to fall in love. unless you take orders from an implanted brain chip, love will happen. and that my friends, is when you're in deep crap. it may be a piece of chiffon cake to break it off once the guilt starts to set in, but it takes more than that to break that emotional bond. the best thing to do at this point is never see each other for about...hmm...5 years???
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why? because you've already become gun powder and fire. its not sparks anymore. try new year's eve. you may not be able to keep your hands (or lips!) off each other. forget it. catching up over coffee is only asking for trouble.
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things may vary for other people, but it ultimately boils down to the fact that an affair, no matter how thrilled, light-headed, or cloud-niney you may feel, is a headache. it takes effort, and guts...and most of time, it also costs you the people you love and who love you.
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ask me again on my thoughts on infidelity. i still will pretend not to hear you. but i'll tell you one thing...its an alluring concept ...with a lifetime of consequences to deal with.
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